No. It is the definitive negative, the ultimate stopper. The door closes on possibility, that's it. Finito. Done.
Right?
Well, actually, No.
It's true that No is often used (and heard) as a negation, so people are often reluctant to speak it, and just as reluctant to hear it. It is also true that in some hands, No is used to kill possibility, to limit, to undermine. But No, used well, does more than simply negate the proposition in front of it; used judiciously, No creates a space for intention.
At its best, No may keep us from careening off into an ill-advised direction or endeavor. A solid and well-timed No can save people and organizations from mission overload and goal diffusion. No preserves or creates possibilities/freedom/flexibility/opportunities for excellence and creativity.
The Positive No is a tool for allowing Intentional Action to emerge.
Many people find it impossible to say No at the right time. (Of course, many people find it impossible to say Yes, too, but that's a different problem.) These are people who are often seen as the go to guy in any organization. Get Mr. NeverNo to do it, he's always willing to give a little extra. Perhaps you are Ms. NeverNo, the person with an Inbox pile that never seems to get any smaller. Every little task that comes your way, Oh yes, I can do that. And your own work your primary aims and goals! go to the back of the line, or finally get done with whatever energy you have left. And then someone else asks for something, and you agree. NeverNo. Always willing to give, until you have nothing left to give. And still, you remain NeverNo. Or, you blow a fuse, and shut down entirely, refusing to give anything at all, tired of being taken advantage of, and morph into the dreaded NeverYes.
Perhaps the organization suffers from NeverNo. A client asks for one more thing, then another, then another, all little things to make the client happy, until finally the company has gone broke doing that little bit extra (and extra and extra). And so NeverNo, Inc. becomes NeverMore, Inc.
None of this is to suggest that No! should fly mechanically from our lips at every request. But it is critical to any functioning entity that the guiding intelligence gives itself the opportunity to properly evaluate a given situation. And one way to provide this opportunity is to consciously and intentionally declare a Positive No to every request/proposal/opportunity that comes your way. Internally. Silently. With clarity and strength. And while you are saying No within yourself, you are taking the time to evaluate the situation so you can provide the appropriate response, rather than the habitual NeverNo.
Remember, this is not a sullen teenager's I don't wanna response. This is a calculated moment of non-judgmental stop to allow yourself (or your team) an opportunity to consciously decide the response. If you can recognize that most behavior is based in habit, this pause offers an opportunity to bypass habit and invoke something new. Perhaps you discover that the established habit is in fact the best possible response. Fine. Go with the established behavior, but do so by choice, not mechanically. Perhaps the opportunity is perfect, and you realize this is the ticket to fame, fortune, and greatness. By all means, then, say Yes! But do so consciously and with intention. The aim is to avoid mechanical behavior, not to avoid prime opportunities for success.
Types of No
Beginning at the bottom and working up:
Mechanical No This reaction emerges automatically from the mouths of people (Mr/Ms NeverYes) who are disengaged from the needs and conditions of those around them. This type of No is judgmental, and offers no possibility of any action, leaves no space for help to arrive. This is the response of the misanthrope, the selfish. While the No may in fact be the correct response to the situation, this is only blind luck.
This is a state of ill-will and selfishness. The actor that lives in this habit resides in darkness devoid of possibility and creativity. The only good thing about this type of response: you can count on this No to remain consistent and reliable. This behavior is both mechanical and predictable. We all know people and organizations of this stripe.
Ambiguous No/Yes This type (Mr/Ms Whatever) is perhaps the most difficult to contend with. This answer emerges hesitantly from those who i) have no confidence in their own judgment; ii) give the answer they believe people want to hear; iii) have no intention on sticking to their answer; iv) have no ability to stick to their answer; or, v) any infuriating combination of the above. This position allows the space for the correct response to emerge, but leaves its recognition to others, or again, to blind luck.
The great hazard in this situation: the actor offering this response cannot be trusted. Whether the ambiguous response is offered out of fear of reprisal or in an attempt to curry favor/mislead, there is no weight behind the words. At the first impulse to change positions, the position will change. This is simply another face of mechanical behavior, albeit one that is not predictable.
Mechanical Yes The habit of Mr/Ms NeverNo, this reaction emerges automatically from actors who are insensate to their own needs and to the conditions that surround them. While this response is rooted in impulses of benevolence and generosity (albeit of a mechanical sort), the possibility that Yes is the correct response is, again, purely a case of blind luck. But at least in this case, the possibility of creativity and appropriateness entering the picture remains alive. Subject to random chance, but still alive.
The actions of Mr/Ms NeverNo are generally reliable, though the actor who offers mechanical Yes soon depletes the resources needed to see a task through to completion. These Yes-es will suffer burnout and resentment over time (perhaps even morphing into Mr/Ms NeverYes), and the results of their Yes-es are not likely to be of the quality needed to feed future endeavors. The result of these responses is likely to fall short of the potential of the situation.
Positive No This response provides a pathway to Intentional Action, a means for conscious and creative action to enter the world. No longer hamstrung by the mechanical nature of the other three types, this conscious response engages the situation by injecting a pause between the offer and the response. The 'No' is invoked with intention. Note that this No is of a wholly different character from the mechanical or ambiguous No. This No cannot be expressed as a judgment of the situation (in which case it is closer to the mechanical version). The character in this case is one of inviting analysis and rejecting mechanical behavior.
Positive No opens the door to considered and conscious response to a situation and allows a result that is different from the standard behavior, perhaps even an innovation and improvement. This pause in the onrush of events places an element of power in the hands of its actor by creating a space for a conscious decision. Does the opportunity at hand fit the overall aim of the actor? Is it profitable? If not, is there another benefit that overrides that factor? Are we capable of taking a commitment and discharging it? Are we willing to accept the cost of commitment in lost opportunity? If we proceed, will we engage the challenge using existing behaviors/tools/processes, or is there a different approach required? Are we flexible enough to adapt? Is it ethical? And so on...
Even in situations where an actor decides to respond in a manner consistent with prior habit, it does so with intention, and this allows the established behavior to discharge with new energy and adaptability. No longer bound by mechanical laws, even long-held practices may reveal facets and potentials that have gone unnoticed or been forgotten. Either way, the path of action undertaken with intention and clarity has a greater possibility to reach completion, which in turn provides momentum and energy to subsequent undertakings. The Positive No is the open door to Intentional Action.
Intentional Action
An intriguing aspect of the Positive No is that it holds simultaneously the possibility of polar opposites (No/Yes) existing in and emerging from a single seed. This ability to hold opposites simultaneously, without assigning reactive judgment to either pole, is a pre-requisite to overcoming mechanical thinking on the way to experiencing true creative thinking.
In the same way that Positive No may ultimately lead to Yes, Intentional Action may in fact manifest itself as a No. Intentional Action may play out as a rejection of the opportunity as presented. In some cases, the best action may be to intentionally and consciously do nothing. How can this be a Yes? It is 'Yes' in that, by intentionally leaving space for another opportunity to arise, it says Yes to the possibilities that are as yet invisible. Doing nothing intentionally is different from not doing anything: doing nothing is active and dynamic, whereas not doing anything is entropic and negating.
Intentional Action constitutes a beginning in the moment of accepting or rejecting an opportunity. If accepting an opportunity, the conscious invocation of Intentional Action signals the clear beginning of engagement and commitment. When rejecting, I.A. signals the clear completion of consideration of a specific offer, with a return to the beginning that is embodied in the space left empty for the next offer or opportunity to arise.
The fact that multiple opportunities may overlap in actual practice has been ignored for the sake of simplicity. But while this multiplicity indeed makes the reality more complex, it in no way negates the applicability, and in fact emphasizes the necessity of invoking Positive No to allow one a fighting chance to fit each arising situation into a coherent whole.
Take care to remember that the Positive No is not an invitation to Hamlet-style hand wringing and procrastination. Positive No is inherently a decision to actively engage a challenge in order to determine its character and its relationship to your aims and goals. It is a step towards definitive action, an Intentional Action that either commits one to intentional acceptance or rejection of the opportunity.
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